June 15, 2017 - I have to admit that I enjoy watching the judge shows on television. I like Judge Judy, Judge Alex, Judge Mathis, and Judge Millian. If you watch them, too, then you know that after the case is settled the litigants are usually interviewed by the announcer. In many instances the loser will make the following statement, “Well, it is what it is.” Have you ever thought about that little phrase and what it actually means?
“It is what it is” is popping up in increasing frequency in everyday conversation. Sometimes it appears nonsensical; other times it seems to be dismissive in that it suggests that there is no action to be taken when action is both possible and preferable.
The problem with “it is what it is” is that it abdicates responsibility, shuts down creative problem solving, and concedes defeat. A leader who says “it is what it is” who faced a challenge, couldn’t overcome it, and explained away the episode as an inevitable, unavoidable force of nature.
The phrase “it is what it is” is close akin to “boys will be boys” and/or “a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.” It is as though we are at the mercy of the Gods. Accepting what is can translate as settling for less than you deserve or making do with less than you need. When you are giving up you are letting the situation control you. You are saying other people are in charge of you, and you’re going to just roll over and learn to deal with it. My philosophy is that what we humans most desire is a feeling that we’re at least somewhat in charge of our lives and what happens to us.
The phrase “it is what it is” often means “Shut up and deal with it” when someone says it regarding a situation we can change. If we want to gain a sense of control over our lives, we need to insist on getting what we pay for, being treated well, and feeling worthy of other people’s best efforts.
“It is what it is” is an admission that the problem is too hard and suppresses the attitude that leads to creative, unseen solutions. If you show people the shape of a square and ask them what it is, they invariable answer “square.” But, if you instead ask them what it could be, then a world of possibilities emerges. Perhaps it could be the frame of a house; a baseball diamond; a graduation cap. The new question reframes the mind to look for solutions without boundaries, exactly the type of thinking we want our leaders to demonstrate.
Shooting ranges teach a principle: “Once the bullet leaves the barrel of the gun, it’s gone. You can do nothing more to affect where it goes. So, let it go and focus on perfecting the next shot.” It is the same with life and leadership. Don’t dwell on what’s happened. Take responsibility, learn the appropriate lessons, and get moving to the next objective. Doing otherwise is a distraction.
Most of us today are followers. Followers take cues from their leaders. Leaders who adopt the “it is what it is” attitude demonstrate two qualities to their people: they won’t accept responsibility for what has happened, and they won’t get creative in shaping what will happen. That’s not the kind of leader that made our country successful.
So, when your favorite contestant on American Idol comes in second place, that’s a good time to say “It is what it is.” But when you are, say, cheated out of money by someone, or asked to sign an onerous contract saying “it is what it is,” it is a sign of laziness and lack of control couched in Zen terminology, which teaches that there are many things we can’t control, and it makes sense to accept them rather than rail against what you can’t change.
