June 17, 2016 - As of January 2014, the 60-watt incandescent light bulb – the classic of the genre – the Edison ideal - the signifier that illuminates in your mind’s eye when you’re asked to picture a “light bulb” – was banned forever. Our government, in all its wisdom and power, decided that the incandescent light bulbs used too much energy in producing the light that it was designed to do. So, in order to save “we the people” more money, a new light bulb was developed, the CFL (the compact fluorescent light), which promised to save us all.
I immediately initiated a practice of light bulb hoarding. Every time I went to the grocery store, I purchased a package of “regular” light bulbs. I bought 100-watt, 75-watt, and 60-watt bulbs and stashed them away in a closet. By the time they disappeared off the store shelves, banned by our government, I had enough bulbs to last a long time, so I thought.
Recently time ran out. My incandescent light bulbs seemed to go on a planned burn out schedule. Almost daily I had to replace one or two until now they are all gone. So, I purchased one of those expensive, ugly, curly light bulbs which stated on the package that it was equivalent to a regular 60-watt incandescent bulb. I replaced the old bulb with the new one and decided immediately that I hate it!
They blink to life with a depressing flicker, and often take a few moments to achieve full brightness. They cast a wan, sickly light. They contain mercury, a substance which will kill you. If you break one you have to seal off the house and call in the HASMAT crew to clean it up. In summary, they are unlovable. When you get older, you need more light, not less. The CFL bulb generated about the same light as an old 40-watt incandescent.
Soon my house will be full of the new CFL bulbs. But, wait….our government tells me that I will save tons of money on electricity by using them. We’ve heard statements like that from them before, so the jury is still out. If everyone uses less electricity, I suspect that the city will have to apply a rate increase in the future to make up the difference, so “we the people” will end up with higher electric bills and less illumination.
Ah, my government has been so good to me, watching over what I use and issuing edicts in order to force me to help myself. Several years ago I had to replace a commode in one of our bathrooms. All that are now available are the small, low flow ones that use much less water. The problem is it has to be flushed two or three times in order to accomplish its purpose. So, I end up using more water. What a savings!
Then in 2008, the Texas Water Quality Control Board decided that my sewer system was out-dated and needed to be replaced. Under a court order, I was forced to have an aerobic sewer system installed which cost in the neighborhood of $6,500 total. I have spent around $1,500 in repairs and maintenance in the last three years on the thing. But, I can drink the water that it spews out on my lawn, I was told. Of course, that is the very last thing that I would want to drink.
So, as you can see, my government is really watching out for me, making sure that I save money, water, and energy at every flush, and every flip of a light switch. I am so thankful that they are in my life. What would I do without the government’s help? Remember those classic words, “Hello, I’m from the government and I am here to help you.” Run in the opposite direction as fast as you can.
